You know you live in the new millennium when you have Google Voice, so you only have to call one number per person! HYAH!
Holy SHIT, Thanksgiving!! #GossipGirl
OMGOMGOMG! I know! I nearly died!!!
A minivan is driving us right up to a colossal jet. Yikes! 14 hours in the sky, Paris bound. Ciao Brazil! Vejo voces na proxima!
Whoa, this is the 13th flight in 18 days. If only masculinity were comparable to a carbon footprint. I’d be well off. More Champagne?
2 create someone as being a particular way is 2 B seperate. I could stand 2 B more present in my listening & hold space to hear all of it
?’s of the day: Where are you being stingy? Who or what could you be more present to? …my answer next.
There is SO much ugly shit going on at AU today…
Long day with the moving truck.
Fuck. Get me six bottles of Riessling while you’re at it.
Eating Out: All You Can Eat
WTF? Class at 2:30p and we’re fucking watching “Bush’s War”?!?! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
Palin-supporters…now would be the time to go read Goodnight Moon.
- The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘ No change yet.’
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
- When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
- Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!